This is part of a series of HDCLS area chair updates by Dr. Stephanie Cawthon, written for Human Development, Culture and Learning Sciences (HDCLS) students, faculty, and staff in the Department of Educational Psychology at the College of Education at The University of Texas at Austin.
Does anyone else feel like the new year is still trying to find its footing? Like we didn’t really “celebrate” the start of 2022 other than to say, well, thank goodness it’s not 2021?
In truth, I am liking this slower on-ramp into a new year, when the month of January is basically a space to set up, get your bearings, and put things in order before a full version of “all the things” as we transition into February. Because so much of what I am working on is in nascent stages, I need to get comfortable with what it feels like to be in square one.
Trying to track all the to-do lists is, admittedly, overwhelming. I have lists in five locations, two digital and three on paper. Then there’s the email inbox, which serves as its own devious list, and the relentless pings on instant message and Slack.
But life is not in those lists. And like so many of us, I get lost in all the TO DO and forget TO BE.
In all the TO DO and TO BE I am challenged by and drawn to right now, three central themes are emerging: Spending energy well, finding fun, and building trust in myself.
Spending Energy Well
I am, at my core, a striver. When there’s mental energy to spend, I will spend it.
This has definitely served me well and served my community well. I often get off a conference call with a picture in my head of what comes next and a flurry of creative productivity that moves all the chains down the field. Even working at half capacity (as it has much of this pandemic), there’s an enormous reservoir of thinking to draw on.
However, there are drawbacks to that seemingly endless push ahead, particularly without the pauses necessary to recover and reset. Wise energy management, therefore, has become a central part of my decisions about what I do. Just because I am busy each day doesn’t necessarily mean I am spending energy wisely.
You may already recognize that James Clear has done a lot to shape my thinking about habits and how we approach our days. His quote — “We do not rise to the level of our goals but fall to the level of our systems” — both haunts and motivates me to take the decision making minutia out of my daily routines.
I need structure and guardrails to keep from trying to do everything at once (or nothing at all) — especially because fragmenting energy also leaves a lot of room for waste and exhaustion. But those ubiquitous strategies for setting up a calendar, checking email, or managing communication platforms have their shortfalls. Find a system that works for you, then laugh when it goes sideways. (I’m looking at you, first day of school.)
I’m more interested in ways to reduce the amount of mental tracking of details and steps to wellness. I want a project management system for my life in general, as well as actual work projects — something like Trello or Asana, with an easy, colorful visual flow for what stage each project is in and what is coming up soon. Just knowing that I haven’t forgotten or missed something, either at work or at home, will be a huge relief and save mental energy.
I’m also aware I need to give a great deal of grace to myself on this road back to thriving. Languishing for so long is hard to pull out of and, for me, needs to be a process of small steps maintained consistently on a daily basis.
For example, I am back to square one on upper body strength. So, to provide an easy on-ramp (or cue), I’m doing pushups against a table or counter. To make it consistent, I set a “rule” that I need to do 10 pushups each time I go into the restroom. Bonus points and a happy dance for 10 more on the way out. Without much mental effort, I’m managing at least 100 a day. Pretty good for square one!
Household chores are something that really drain my mental and emotional energy. If things are left undone, I often do them at the cost of rest. This burns energy when each day already has enough to do. Instead, I’ve tried to make my focus on routine and pesky tasks for each day alliterative. Each day of the week has reminders that go with the letter of the first day of the week. For example, Wednesday is water plants and wash clothes. Instead of wondering how and when I might get a task done, I can rest well knowing that it has a designated day. I actually have to work against letting myself “get ahead” and leave each task in the time allotted — an attempt to train my brain not to overthink and do pre-work.
Finding Fun
My favorite podcasts and books keep advising me that it is important to have fun, or to at least schedule time where fun could possibly happen — the actual space to play, put down the phone, and ignore the TO DO.
Fun?! Apparently Netflix doesn’t count.
Having fun at all seems like a pipe dream. Making it a priority with fresh energy and focus? Impossible. I’m not sure where to start with dedicating time for something fun to occur given the sometimes toxic academic expectations of being “on” all the time and the burnout as we enter year three of COVID-19.
Navigating life as a deaf person in a hearing world is also exhausting, and chronic pain drains an enormous amount of energy from my day. Disabled people everywhere know about this additional energy tax, particularly in the professional world.
I do faintly remember having hobbies and interests that were not directly related to my “work” space. Two years ago, I had a better balance between TO DO and TO BE activities, and even more so back in my 20s, when I avidly enjoyed playing volleyball and working on theater productions. But burning the midnight oil on a stage crew is no longer an option if I want to bring what I need to bring to my work. Being tired is my number one contributor to poor mental health, and a regular sleep schedule is so much more critical than ever before.
Truth be told, part of the rationale for really doubling down on spending energy well is so that there is something left for fun. Selfish? Maybe. I hope so. Most days, it’s not just time, it’s the will and gumption to strike out of the routine into a creative space. Being out of practice with fun activities and low on energy reserves means this one is a bit of a pickle — for now. I will find a small on-ramp for this square one, too.
Building Trust in Myself
Luvvie Ajai Jones wrote a terrific new book called Professional Troublemaker: The Fear Fighter Manual. Check it out. I’m learning so much from her and her way of framing how to think about life, especially my own relationship with myself.
In fact, unless you can be rooted in who you are, there is little good you can do in the world. Her truth-talking allows for no replacement for knowing and trusting who you are with TO DO tasks. As a professional do-er, that’s a major calling out that is much needed.
One of her first pieces of encouragement is to really own your greatness. She asks the reader to take on the task of embolding themselves (if that is a word) and has some really creative ways to do that. One of my favorites is putting together a list of royal titles.
What? Me? Royal? Even though my name literally means crowned one, the idea of having lofty titles goes directly against my Catholic heritage that prizes humility and warns against the sin of pride. Luvvie pushes right through that and encourages us to own who we are, because that is the gift that will serve the world. The latter cannot come before the former.
If any of you are Game of Thrones fans, you will recognize the meaning of what she suggests we do in naming our royalty. She conjures up the image of Daenerys Targaryen and how she is introduced as she walks into a room: Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and First Men, Breaker of Chains, Mother of Dragons.
How much did those titles, especially in difficult battles or delicate political negotiations, fuel her confidence? Who wouldn’t want to start their morning like that?
So, this is my attempt at royal titles. I’ll be honest and say this feels really weird. I’m not even sure if it aligns with what other people would say, but that is entirely (and importantly) beside the point. Here goes:
Queen Stephanie of the House Cawthon, First of Her Name
Wrangler of Chaos
Innovator for Good
Chief Asker of Questions and Leader of Systems
Champion for Students and Big Ideas
Creator of Inclusive Space
Communicator and Connector of Dots and People
Hostess with the Mostest
What are your royal titles? How do you dig deep and find trust in your own greatness, knowing that your entire life and history has brought you to this point, and will see you through whatever small steps, upheaval, or even big flourish that is in store for you today?
How will you transcend your TO DO, reclaim your TO BE, and use your energy, fun, and trust to have your best year yet?